The battle is strong and hard but what’s easy won wasn’t a battle in the first place; it was a easy fight. My fight ain’t easy it’s hard and I’m getting knocked left and right.

I’ve been battling with myself, surroundings, struggles and journey way too long. We at war and I’m very patient, I’m very silent now a days .

Reflecting and accepting…….I’m learning patience, accepting my journey and loving my struggles which is crafting me to whom I’m meant to be and taking me far.

I may be low but I will get higher.

I may feel alone but I’m not alone.

I was so caught up with getting there and getting out and changing my surroundings that I didn’t focus on me the main character in this story.

I had the biggest eye opener the other day which made me realize it’s not my situation it’s me; I’m young,  I’m not one of those rare youngsters who has it easy and made it at 15 no I’m not my story is deeper and longer I’m still trying to succeed.

I’m no longer focusing on what could’ve been or what will be or forcing a change that’s not ready for me.

I get so disappointed when my plans fail or sad because I’m not where I want to be. I stay comparing my life to others like how they got it before me and how they get there and I’m still here. I don’t know their story I don’t know the struggles they overcome to get where they’re at. I had to check myself  I recently killed that thinking it’s not healthy more like draining for me.

I always walk with God and when I start thinking like that I’m giving up not just on me but on him. I’ve abandoned him and his ability to help me stride….no more no more will I take him for granted….his plans better than mine…his ways sway better….his timing is greater….his walks are paved and timed.

God didn’t abandoned Me I abandoned God… see he’s waiting on me he can change my surroundings instantly fast; as fast as I am willing to grow, as fast I’m willing to go. I was growing I’m still grow but not in the ways he needs me to be he pause my blessings because I’m not prepared for them he paused me.

Now I see  what I must do, I had a big realization; I have to get to know me, care about me, worry about me, accept me.

I have to grow inside to let myself go to the next level so that he can take me to where I need to be. This is a self growth conversation, a battle with self and my better half is winning this war; I may have lost the fight many times but I keep fighting I’m a win this war.

No more comparing my life, my face, my looks, my ways.

No more forceful conversations trying to talk to people who is unresponsive.

No more checking on people who don’t check for me, who ever is meant to be in my life will be.

No more trying to connect, what’s meant to be will be

No more sugar coating my feelings and who I am.

No more anger and letting things disturb me. I’m silent to the lies I swear it’s all lies

No more being too involved in other people lives that’s not my business so when someone try to involve me I will be silent.

No more no more with enemies

No more beefs, drama and gossip….in my face

No more no more it’s toxic and in my way.

No more discussions no more hate. I’m focusing on more love more kindness. no more bitterness no more aggravations….no more of letting ppl words get to me that’s a personal problem a reflection of them not me….no more playing victim….no more venting to my friends or strangers ….shout out to the people who ever helped me and listened.  No more feeling sad for me.

I want to do better and want God to move me…I want to have better everything so  it has to start with me. I have to be a better me.

Its  time I overcome it’s time I overcome me….. it was never my surroundings and Struggles it was always me.

Its  time I conquer me it’s the best way to be

I just want to be me so I’m a be me

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One thought on “Battlefield

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